groans.
school starts tmr. how wonderful. ok. i should change my attitude to one of hopefulness and joy and anticipation. that i know god will be there for me and i should be happy. yeah..kind of.


left my fear by side the road
hear you speak won't let go
fall to my knees as i lift my hands to pray
got every reason to be here again
father's love that draws me near
all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of you
all i need is you al i need is you lord
is you lord


dad was talkin to me in the car and telling me not to be rude to mum and to talk to her properly. im like.ok. i know sometimes ican be quite rude but. i talk properly and she cant hear me. so i raise my voice and..shrugs. aiya. heck la. ok. gonna be a good daughter and just accept everything that they say.


you hold the universe you hold everyone on earth
you hold the universe you hold you hold

8:13 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

cinco de mayo cinco de mayo. lalalalalala.
hahas. was singin it to sure li the whole sunday nad during the movie marathon. shes irritated. heehee. dono what it means. only know it is a festival.. but it so nice to sing. and ya.
thought movie marathon was good. fun.

you got served totally rocks!!!!


hahas.totally so cool lah! *screams* i wanto learn! i will go and ask the niggers to teach me. really super nice. their dance totally woooh! ahh. so nice sonice so nice.
and angela ans zoe gonna buy me the gold bag at far east for my bday. im so happy! its so nice! fallen in love with it man. thank them!! =)
haiyuh. school is gonna start soon. havent completed half of my hol hmwk. dad and mum btoh unhappy with me. what a way to start the new term. sigh~ gonna be such a trying 2005. hate o's. but i am thank ful for the ppl alongside me who push me on. u know who u are..and i thank god always for you. =) havin deja vu now. hahas.



anw ..i will never go seoul garden again! its so ex and it cheats ppl of their money! rah. eat til super full though. but not very suang..hahas. we were playin zong zi mi ma..and hy was making me laugh til my stomach hurt like siao. i was so full and i was laughin. wah. super painfil.
anw..waitin for july to come. the fast shall begin! and my bday too. =) *grins..hahas..



i love jesus -does moonwalk

2:57 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

yuck! gor is watching a show on gays. its so disgusting!! in thai on channel u but there are subtitles..comedy but..oh yuck!! absolutely gross! oh yuck!!



anyway..sigh. am sad hols are coming to an end..time for slacking and playing will be over. wonder what happened to my promise to study at least 2 hrs everyday.. - shakes my head-
ruhh. and im so slacking now? readin " to kill a mockingbird" ..first part is boring..now towards the centre..still ok..sigh. and ive got so many stuff to do. my maths and chi and geog. 2 major tests and i havent studied. and i feel so bloated now.
yuck.

9:48 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

TELL THE WORLD


dont wanna stand here and shout your praise
and walk away and forget your name
i stand for you if that s all i do
cause there is none that compares to you
cause all i want is this lifetime is you
and all i want in this whole world is you



tell the world that jesus lives tell the world that tell the world that
tell the world that he died for them tell the world that he lives again


woohooooo. went jogging today..so happy..and i ate quite little..hurr.but ate sweets. pooi pooi. and i made mum angry. rahh. oh god help me to make her happy for the rest of the day.. or not make her angry at all.. please god. amen.

5:34 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

u cant and u wont believe what i just did.
mum was complaining about my room being so messy til she wanted to puke blood. i went to my room and started throwing all the stuff out of my cupboard and made the rm even messier. so pissed off. but my temper totally sucked. i so should not have done that. god was grieved.


caron screams.


just came back from camp..supp to be much better than before and it semms im back to square one. ahhhhfghklj;f.

came home yest..and dad sent me hm..mum complained that i tired she not tired and was going on and on about why i cant just join them for lunch. then i went hm and started washing up my stuff immediately. then i was bathing (aftr one hr) when they came back..and i was still washing my stuff..then could hear her complaining outside about me. and she asked me why i tk so long. i think it is so ridiculous. then i went to sleep aftr clearing my stuff and slept thru dinner til this morn.


ohhs.went shopping at jurong point cause sent gor back to camp..and yar..dano had sale..so me and mum were looking round the clothes..we had quite a fun time window shopppping..dad n rach seemed so bored.oh too bad.=] quite funny huh.mum can be such a pain and a good companion at times. but i wanted to buy jeans and she din allow.i dono why. irritating. only had one pair of jeans? nvm. then came hm..she was ok. had fun cause she took out her black gown for me to try..its for prom. i must lose weight!!! my diet dint quite succeed..hur. i shall start my diet again. god control my ferocious appetite. yar..den she said that we will go shoppiing tmr to look for a shawl that can match with my dress.cool. wanna buy stuff.but oh well..dono if it will come true. got guides tmr. oh joy.




say the word and i will sing for you
over oceans deep i wil follow
if each star was a song
and every breath of wind praise
it would still fail by far to say all my heart contains
i simply live i simply live for you.


ym camp was funnnn!!! fun fun fun! really thank camp com man!

thank you!


hahas..though some games din go as well..we still had fun. and of course we had god to thank for making everything so smooth! first time as a leader..and its quite a good experience..=] thanks to yong en too..for helping me..wouldn have gotten fifth place without him. and the team of course. thanks to rahc, shuhan, ben ng, jabez, yong liang and chuan yi. hahas..hope u guys did learn something.

well. learnt afew stuff as well..it was fun all right..being tortured in the toilet with my bro laughin at me..but first one..not too bad..was quite clean. but my shirt still stinks.hafta wash it again but my washing machine broke down. how infuriating! yar..and ben hur was fun! and ant too..*antz antz antz* but the spiritual side..tell you the last day at sembawang camp..where we shared with the candle burning was wonderfull..=] had such a wonderful time with my group.

MANASSEH ROCKS!!


yeah..and really learnt to perservere thru trials..and yar..sigh. tired.


and i live to love you
and i live to bring you praise
help me live a life worthy of your callllling.

11:52 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

jesus lover of my soul
jesus i will never let you go
you 've taken me from the miry clay
you set my feet upon a rock
and now i know



i love you
i need you
though my world may fall i'll never let you go
my saviour
my closest friend
i will worship you until the very end



im so excited bout tmr..and last night..kind of cleared my thoughts..but of course..still got so many things which im so unsure about..just gonna commit it to god. like really commit it to him..
goin to aunty mabel's hse ltr..bake cookies. my cousins are free..so i spend time with them..and
im on a diet!!
hahas..which i hope will last. camp tmr..so excited!! and im sure i will burn alot of energy there! =]
miss you alot dee, gini and lene...gini..the adventures of ynigg..oh well.

6:35 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

want to cry. break down and cry.
im not strong. im so weak. so helpless. hopeless? i do not know. will you clear this thoughts of mine? take away. strip them. tear them apart. make me like you. clothe me and make me like you. cleanse me with hssop. cover me crimson. i need you now more than ever. these words are indescribable. i cant put them down. you said you would use me broken and contrite. here i am broken. won't you use me?



all i need is you
all i need is you lord. is you lord.

10:42 PM

all for love the heavens cried
for love was crucified.


sigh. night comes. and all my thoughts come too.
the mind is a sophisticated thing. so complicated and so messy. rahhh.
was looking forward to a wonderful dinner with my family aftr service..and yet i entered the car with only dad n rach..sigh. guess i know how mum or dad feels every time we go out with our friends for meals.. so sad.


and oh. i want to go and study my stuff..but im lazy. was so drained last night..cause of my maths..and its like..so simple i dono how to do..i hate that feeling. i feel so helpless and so stupid and.. hai.



there is nothing like your love
i ll love you forever i ll love you forever.



got so many thoughts in my mind..that i dono what to type. wish i could just empty everything..but some stuff are just too personal. sigh. and i probably can't remember..wish life was simpler..
but it's not..it is complicated by the desires of men and all the worldliness and what-have-you.



we were meant to live for so much more
have we lost ourselves?
its been a long time since ive cried.
ifeel like these tears can f low so easily..and i wish you would come down and lend me your shoulder to cry on..im so tired of this life and this world..jesus. hold me close in your arms..im confused.lost.im desperate for you.


and i, im desperate for you
and i, can't live without you

10:02 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

wrote this while i was supposed to be studying



the night brings me thoughts
ugly side that shows me me
oh how many times have i broken your heart
still you forgive if only i ask
fly away from pretendence
fly away from reality
oh what weakness do you show?
under my skin you hide so well
oh what weakness do you show
you, one of such well anonymosity.



language sounds kinda weird.
oh who cares. had a thousand thoughts running thru my mind last night. wasn in my bestest mood.
thoughts are a powerful thing. they can grip your soul.




all for love a saviour cried
abba father have your way
though they know not what they do
may the cross draw men to you


oh how many times have i broken your heart
and still you forgive if only i ask
oh how many times have you heard me pray draw near


everything i need is you my beginning my forever
everything i need is you



beautiful song isn it? by united..
i wonder how can one bear unforgiveness in his heart for so long. things shall be kept hush. but it makes me wonder what a leader is made of. or is it the pride that holds everything back? pride that does not want one to simply say a " sorry " or just a nod of the head. is that littlest thing so complicating and so big that you have to make a mountain out of a molehill? well. say im judging you may. but i know myself. and i dont care. its really frustrating how you can put so much effort into a relationship and it just turns out to be futile and just a waste of your time. and whatever your thoughts will be , *shrugs.



oh.the mood is so heavy. smile! lighten up.
God give me strength to continue life's journey with your hand in mine.
grant me happiness and the joy that comes from you
to bring laughter and smiles to the ones i love.
pardon me the things of the world and the temptations.
help me persevere through this temporal life that so easily weighs me down, help me throw back all that does not bring glory to your name.
help me to be more like you



gosh.i have tuition at my uncles hse ltr. how nice. im like so dreading it.
hate maths.

4:06 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i shall limit myself to 1 hr of onlining everyday. n i shall willingly study ltr. study my bio and practise my maths. what joy i will find in them.

in pain i was last night.
it did not disappear even after i took medicine or after i put oilment..i idi pray..but was my faith there?
faith as small as a mustard seed. to say to that tree be uprooted and it will be done. do i have faith as small as that? i do not know.

all i need is you. all i need is you lord

song from the new untied album : look to you. first album dad actually bought for me..i was so happy..and listening to that album while in pain last night brought tears to my eyes.

how can it be that you were the One on the cross?
lifted for all our shame
how can it be the scars in your hands were for me?
you are king of all

now my sister is irritating me again.
gosh.

i love you more than life
i love you more than life

ow.my shoulder hurts.
throwing tantrum now and throwing her things around. god give me patience before i blow my top.

i love you more than life
oh draw me back to the beginning
where love was simple
where love was sweet
draw me back to where you are
to the inner courts of the king

1:43 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

what the crap.
cell retreat was so fun yest..and a stomach ache had to come along to make things "more exciting".
i hate stomachaches.
i have no idea why it hit me and i feel so sorry for taking ppl away fm their sleep..specially claud..who had school this morn.
the pain was excruciating.i cant describe it..and u may say im faking or what..but hai..thought my threshold of pain was good..but i realised last night i cant tk pain.specially stomachaches.

sigh..
my uncle called me just now..to ask bout tuition..haiyuh.gonna have tuition tmr..and im so rritated with myself cause i missed school today and they had impt lessons like maths and bio?? walao.as if im not behind time and behind everyone else already..hate myself.
i keep saying im gonna mug and everything but i just cant get myself to study.

and cell retreat was one i had the most fun out of all the ones we had..i finally got my tan..*but my skin is hurting a little* but i ve been waiting ages to tan and go sentosa. aunty ivy spoke and once again..im reminded of the importance of qt..one which i fail many times..i have to be really serious about it..and i want to find out more in god's word..
i need discipline

and amidst my pain i was crying out to god to heal me. to tk away the pain..commanded the pain to leave me..but it din happen. i guess god wanted me to..? *shrugs*

crap..its startingto hurt again.

4:08 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

-

of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

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